It might help if you make a concrete list of grants you're personally confused about.
It would also help if you (or someone) can identify the funding bars for each of the EA cause areas. For instance global health would measure $ / QALYs, x-risk would measure $ / 10^-6 x-risk reduced, and so on. Each cause area makes decisions mostly independently of other cause areas AFAIK, once money has been moved from general fund to a specific cause area. Within each cause area there tends to be a funding bar AFAIK, against which grants get compared.
Regarding movement building grants and early-career spending, I know nothing about it personally, and the following is speculation. But some heuristics that comes to my mind would be as follows. Someone who knows how these decisions are actually made, please feel free to correct me.
If you are willing to spend $100k / year on salary for a great full-time employee for 10 years, you should probably be willing to spend upto $500k on community building to find a similar employee whose output (measured in QALYs, x-risk reduced, etc) will be 50% higher on the same salary.
If you expect your community building effort to find more than one such person, you can multiply by the number of such people you expect to find.
Above assumes you have a fixed amount of money and a fixed amount of employees you can support. If you have an excess of money and insufficiently many potential employees who would actually produce useful output (for instance because they dont buy EA values or dont understand AI alignment), then it might makes sense to spend even more than $500k.
If you believe you're working in a field which has heavy-tailed productivity (some people are 10x or 100x more productive than others), then it makes sense to spend even more than the $500k to find these people, as opposed to support a lot of employees of average productivity on $100k/year.
(Removed this comment. Don't know how to delete it.)
I’ve been considering writing a post about my experience of receiving a grant, and the downsides I didn’t anticipate beforehand. It would probably look similar to this comment but with more info.
I imagine that such a post could be quite helpful for other young people who are considering applying for funding, and it could also be helpful for other people to understand more of this "ecosystem." I, for one, would be interested to read your story.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure I would have also felt shame and guilt if I were in your situation, though obviously this is not what we want to happen!
My general feeling about situations like this is that there are some grants that are better off not being shared publicly, if the context allows for it (this depends on many complex social factors). Wealthy people spend money on all kinds of outlandish things all over the world yet receive comparably little opprobrium simply because this spending is rarely public. It's unfair for you to be exposed to the vitriol from regular people expressing their frustration with inequality.
I'm reluctant to say too much about your particular circumstance (given I don't have context, and this is quite a personal thing), but I think if it were me, I might look for ways to tactfully omit discussion of the grant when first getting to know non-EAs socially. Not because it *is* shameful but just because it may unconsciously make some people uncomfortable. If it does come up, I think there is a way to "check your privilege" while also expressing confidence that you did nothing wrong. I've found in my experience, ironically, if I express contrition about something, people are more likely to actually think I did something shameful. Whereas if I sound confident, they tend to have a positive impression of me. These aren't necessarily bad people, that's just how humanity is.
While socializing with EAs is wonderful, I agree that it is better to have a diverse social circle including non EAs too!
This could be titled as "The curse of non-consequentialist ethics plus social media means that there is no reasonable way to prioritize what matters, and the news contributes to that by essentially equalizing all crises under similar names, especially in the headline."